I'm a jerk!

Dear Rentapal
My girlfriend is incredibly boring...how do I break up with her without sounding like a jerk?
Dano

Dear Dano
You already sound like a jerk! It takes two to make a relationship interesting or boring. Look this word up in the dictionary: "initiative." Meanwhile, judging from the lack of detail and personality in your email message, I'd be willing to bet that you're the one who is boring her. You don't need to do anything. She will break up with you by the end of the year!
Your Pal,
Paul