Is he telling me the truth?

Dear Rentapal

Well after a year of not saying something, I finally got the motivation to tell a good friend of mine that I liked him a lot, and he likes me too. But only problem is he has a girlfriend. Now he keeps telling me you never know what could happen with him and I but I don't want him cheating on her with me. And plus she knows where I live, and I don't think she likes me much anyway. Now should I just stick it out and wait, or just go on with my life and hope maybe in the future it could really happen? I waited a year to tell him how I felt, what's the worst that could happen?
Becky

Dear Becky,
Go on with your life! If he is telling you "you never know" while he's still dating someone else, then there's no reason to expect him to act differently when he's dating you. There are plenty of other men out there.

I hate my inlaws

Dear Rentapal
Hi I was just wondering what you thought about in laws? I hate mine and I have a hard time dealing with them, some times I hate them!
Pam

Dear Pam,
In general, I'd say that dealing with in-laws is better than dealing with outlaws. However, if your in-laws also happen to be outlaws then I'd suggest keeping a close eye on your wallet.
Your pal
Paul

I need help understanding somethin

Dear Rentapal

yeah my question really is about yourself here Paul, I am just wondering how you came up with this idea of rent a friend and if you feel that by charging people money to see you is really prostition in itself. I mean really man you are praying on people that really are in desperation with you advice that no offence has no professional backing at all. I just don't understand how a person like yourself can feel that by charging people twenty bucks an hour and by giving them possibly damaging advice you are somehow being there friend. It takes a person with a major allusion of grandeur to set up a site like this to lure people to your "bullshit" comments about them. In closing I would like to add that I thing you are the skum that is a byproduct of the internet. P.S I don't have a small penis so don't try to use grade school humor to mitigate the fact that you yourself are a crook. All the best!
Kimberly

Dear Kimberly
Considering that you have a female name, it is probably good that you do not have a small penis. Rentapal is not prostitution. Prostitution is the exchange of sex for money. "Palitution" is the exchange of friendship for money. By the way, you probably meant to say "preying" instead of "praying," to say "illusion of grandeur" instead of"allusion of grandeur," and to say "cook" instead of "crook." I make a great vegetable korma. Rent me for a meal one day - you'll love it!
Your pal
Paul

Alone on a trip

Dear Rentapal
I am going to L.A on April 10th to hang out with my friends. My girl friend and I planned this trip together, however she broke up with me on last Monday. Now I do not have anyone to go with. Iam open to any gender
Sanjay

Dear Sanjay
Since you are "open to any gender" you should find plenty of options in Los Angeles. bon voyage!
Your pal,
Paul

Should I wait?

Dear Rentapal

I'm in love with a woman whom I know is not in love with me. She's seeing other guys, but says I should wait, because she does like me and one day she might come around. Watcha think rentapal.

Dear Aaron
Forget about her and move on. She is just teasing you. Besides, one-way love is not healthy love.
Your pal,.
Paul

women don't love me

dear rent a pal,
i try so hard to get my lady friends to like me but it they just wont LOVE ME. theres one named kestrel who i just want to take into my room and take all her clothes off and give her a sunset rubdown with whipcream but she wont let me. what advice do you have for me.

Dear Farren
Maybe Kestrel doesn't like whip cream, maybe she is just not into you. Stop trying so hard and stop buying whip cream. Find some new hobbies and you can meet women who share the same interests as youl.
Your pal
Paul

DEAR RENTAPAL - is my wife a lesbian?...
My wife and I went out to a nightclub last week. I was talking with some people and when I went to look for my wife, I found her kissing another girl on the dance floor! She told me that they were just hugging and not kissing, but I know what I saw. The next day, she told me that she was just too drunk and didn't know what she was doing. What advice can you give me?
Pete

Dear Pete
Get back to the nightclub as soon as possible, buy your wife lots of drinks and hope that you get invited to the party.
Your Pal,
Paul

I need a breakup

Dear Rentapal
I have a boyfriend that i really don't like. I need to break up with him but he's a total sweetheart and I would feel bad! What should I do??
Danielle

Dear Danielle,
Find him a replacement girlfriend first. Bring her to your break-up, introduce them and then leave.
Your pal,
Paul

I need a hug

Dear Rentapal
I've been having trouble at work and with my wife and need a friend to tell me everything is ok
Rex

Dear Rex
A true friend will tell you what you really need to hear, not what you think that you need to hear. If you are having trouble with your job and with your wife, then everything is not alright! You need to do three things immediately - -

1. Buy your wife two dozen roses for no reason at all - with no explanations or discussion. Just hand them to her (or have them delivered) with only a note that says "Love, Rex" and go back to whatever you were doing, as if nothing happened. The rest will take care of itself.

2. Have congratulatory flowers anonymously delivered to you at your office with no note attached. Don't give any kind of explanation and don't discuss them with anyone. If questioned, just laugh and say "I don't know what they are for or who sent them." It will create a sense of intrigue around you.

3. Start a subscription to have the Wall Street Journal delivered to your office, addressed to you, with the title of "President". If anyone asks about it, deny any and all knowledge. Within one year you will be in a better job - either at this company or another. Your pal, Paul
Your Pal,
Paul

help keep the bullies away

Dear Rentapal
I used to get bullied a lot in grammar school and I wanted more than anything to have a friend. Would you extend your services to have a staff of rent-a-pals for the appropriate ages? I Thanks for listening,
Georgette

Dear Georgette,
That's a great idea! No need to look for additional Rentapals though - I can keep those bullies away!
Your pal,
Paul

I'm a bully

Hi Rentapal,
I get very bored in the workplace in my free time and I like to bug our office assistant, Tammy. She's from Oklahoma and my co-workers and I make fun of her because of the way people in OK speak and act. One day my co worker saw a show on noodling (catching fish with your bare hands) and decided that it would be funny to ask her if she noodles. Now the theme is stuck to her and we make fun of Tammy's "noodling" habits. Is this ok that its so funny or is it wrong?
Jakester

Dear Jakester,
It sounds like you were unloved as a child. You are misdirecting your self-hatred at Tammy. Invite Tammy to lunch and stick up for her to the others. You will make a new friend, gain the respect of the others, improve your self-esteem, and noodle more fish...
Your pal,
Paul

Just curious

Dear Rentapal
I'm living in argentina and have no interest in renting you as a pal (no offence intended). I'm just curious as to what your motive is. I can imagine it started out as a purely economic one but it must have evolved with time and experience in the field. Isn't it bizarre to enter someone's life for a specific period of time and for a specific purpose and then leave? That's all Oh, and what's your professional background?
Patra

Dear Patra
Rentapal is both a public service and an interactive art project. It is a vision of the future, when everyone will rent everything - because after all, isn't everything just temporary anyway? To become Rentapal required much training and education. I received a PhD. in Applied Clinical Friendology from the prestigious Friendship University (or, as it is more affectionately known: "F.U.")
Your Pal,
Paul

Is it me?

Dear Rentapal
im a 31 year old man, my wife wont let me see her naked, it either has to be pitch black or under covers. She cant be shy because she works in a strip club. is it me?
Steve

Dear Steve
To see your wife naked, just visit the strip club - but be sure to tip her well. See how easy a solution can be?
Your Pal,
Paul

My job is driving me to drink

Dear Rentapal
I'm 32 years old and work in real estate sales in Los Angeles. It's a very high pressure industry and I drink just about every night to relieve the stress of my job. I find that I can't go through a night without at least a couple of drinks now. What should I do?
L.K.

Dear L.K.
Your occupation should make you feel fulfilled and satisfied, not drained and stressed. You are obviously in the wrong job and should change it as soon as possible. In the meantime, try this: http://www.wendi.com/alcohol
Your Pal,
Paul

ain't life a bitch?

Dear Rentapal
Why Does Everyone Have A Close Companion They Can Do Everything With But I Do Not ? Please Reply Awfully Quickly .. I Have No One To Talk To Besides My Ant Farm :( I Need A Friend !!!
Joshua

Dear Joshua
Ants can be great company. Did you name each one of them yet? That will take your mind off your loneliness.
Your pal,
Paul

low self esteem

DEAR RENTAPAL
i have trouble meeting women because i am awkward and have low self esteem. you seem like a handsome man...could you give me some advice?
Elie

Dear Elie
If you think I'm a handsome man, you have more than a self esteem problem. You really need to get out of the house more often!
Your Pal,
Paul

Oops! I farted on a first date

Dear Rentapal
I had a date with this great guy and accidentally farted while we were having dinner! Fortunately the waiter came to take our order so I didn't have to think of something to say. I quickly started a conversation about another topic after the waiter left, but I'm sure my date heard me fart! It was our first date, and over two weeks ago, and I never heard from him again. I'm so embarrassed. Should I call him or did I totally ruin my chances with him?
Beaniegirl

Dear Beaniegirl
There are two cardinal rules for first dates. No vomiting and no farting. Thou broketh the rule, and now thou must payeth the penalty! You blew it (so to speak). Forget him. You will never hear from him again. Consider a change in dietary habits.
Your Pal,
Paul

where did my money go?

DEAR RENTAPAL
Every time i get paid, i have no idea where all my money goes to? what should i do?
Nick

Dear Nick
Send it to me, Rentapal. This way, you will always know where it went.
Your pal,
Paul

my swinging husband

Dear Rentapal

I think my husband is seeing another woman. We've only been married for 5 years. He says that he is working late a lot but I know that he is not in his office. I don't want to seem paranoid and I don't want to plant any ideas in his head if he is not having an affair. Should I confront him about it?
Lonely Wifey

Dear Lonely Wifey
What makes you think he is seeing another woman? What if it turns out he is seeing another man? Would you feel the same way about that situation? What will you do if it turns out he is seeing lots of different people? If you ask him this question will you be prepared for every possible answer?

Here is what you should do: Tell your husband that you want to go to a swing club - you know, the kind of place where people exchange sex partners. Watch his reaction. If he seems open to the idea, then he is probably not having an affair. If he asks you lots of questions and is willing to explore the idea, he is probably not having an affair. If he either laughs and thinks you are making a joke, or acts disgusted by the idea, then he probably is seeing someone else.
Your Pal,
Paul

I'm in a rut

DEAR RENTAPAL
I hate my job and my boss is a jerk, but I can't find another one. I've been answering ads and responding to jobs on the Internet, but no luck. I've been in the same job for almost twelve years and am in a rut. I hate getting up in the morning. Should I just quit?
Dilbert

Dear Dilbert
What will you do if you quit your job? Are you prepared to radically alter your life? Will you shave your head and join a Buddhist monastery? Will you join the Peace Corps? Will you drop out of society and live in the wild? Will you become a mercenary? Are you ready to completely give up the illusion that you actually control any aspect of your life?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you must quit your job immediately, give away all of your possessions and follow your bliss. If you answered no or even hesitated for a moment, then you should just stay where you are because you are not ready to progress to the next level in life. You will just get another dull and meaningless job and still feel the same way. You can move from job to job but your psychic, emotional and cosmic baggage will always go with you.
Your Pal,
Paul