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Dear Rentapal
OMG! I went to my parents house for a surprise visit last Saturday around 9 pm. I parked in the driveway, and when I got out of the car I heard moaning that sounded like my mother, coming from my parents bedroom window (which is on the first floor at the back of the house).
I got scared and thought that maybe my mother was having a heart attack or something so I rushed up to the window. When I looked in, I saw all these naked bodies flipping around! My parents were having an orgy with another couple! I just stood there in total shock for a minute, then got totally embarrassed and ran back to my car. I'm quite sure that they never heard my car because of all the moaning.
Damn, Rentapal. My parents are in their 60s and frankly, I didn't think they had this in them. I never saw even a hint of this side of them in all my years growing up. I'm married now too, but my husband and I don't do anything like this. What am I, like some sort of prude? I thought my parents were boring, middle class, typical parents (now grandparents by the way!!). I'm freaked out and think that I'm going to feel very weird the next time I see them, but at the same time I'm very curious to know how long have they been doing this, and with whom!
I haven't seen them since this little incident and have avoided talking to them on the phone. I feel very awkward now and don't know how to handle the situation. Should I say anything about what I saw or just make believe it never happened?
Didi
Dear Didi,
I can understand how discovering your parents in an orgy would be an unsettling experience. Nevertheless, their private lives are theirs to do as they please. Since they never told you about this side of themselves, they obviously don't want you to know. I'd say forget about it and act like it never happened.
The only reason I could possibly think of to say anything might be to warn them that they shouldn't leave their bedroom windows open while having sex! But, nevertheless, I'd still suggest that you just don't get involved. Sure, they are your parents, but their sex lives are just not your business.
I wonder how RENTAPAL readers feel about this. Should Didi act like it never happened, or should she say something to her parents?
Didi's parent-orgy dilemma
My Life is a Bad Cliche'
Dear Rentapal
I've been working in a job that I don't really care about for almost 12 years. My wife and I have a little money saved up and the responsible thing for us to do now would be to buy an a house and "settle down." The thing is that my life is just B O R I N G. I keep thinking, where is the fun in my life? I dream about just taking off and traveling. Am I just going to spend the rest of my life doing something I don't care about so that I can pay bills? Rentapal, help! My life is like a bad cliche'!
Bob
Dear Bob
Life is too short to keep living a life that you don't care about. What is your passion? Figure out a way to work in that area. Also, if you've got some money saved, why not have a travel adventure before you begin your new career? Or if you can, find a career that allows you to keep traveling (for some great advice on that kind of lifestyle, check out: http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/. Where do you dream of going? Today, you can travel just about anywhere in the world on just about any budget. The clock on your life is ticking - do what you want before it's too late!
I've been working in a job that I don't really care about for almost 12 years. My wife and I have a little money saved up and the responsible thing for us to do now would be to buy an a house and "settle down." The thing is that my life is just B O R I N G. I keep thinking, where is the fun in my life? I dream about just taking off and traveling. Am I just going to spend the rest of my life doing something I don't care about so that I can pay bills? Rentapal, help! My life is like a bad cliche'!
Bob
Dear Bob
Life is too short to keep living a life that you don't care about. What is your passion? Figure out a way to work in that area. Also, if you've got some money saved, why not have a travel adventure before you begin your new career? Or if you can, find a career that allows you to keep traveling (for some great advice on that kind of lifestyle, check out: http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/. Where do you dream of going? Today, you can travel just about anywhere in the world on just about any budget. The clock on your life is ticking - do what you want before it's too late!
"Coping Sex" with My Ex
Dear Rentapal,
My boyfriend of 9 months and I recently called it quits. That's the longest I've ever been with a guy. I still care about him and remember a lot of the good times, but there were just things that we couldn't work through, causing us to split. One of my ex boyfriends (also a friend ) has offered me a 'shoulder to cry on,' speaking euphemistically. He offered me 'coping sex,' no strings attached. I don't feel ready for it at all right now, but I fear that I will in the near future. I want to keep him as a friend, but I also don't want to destroy my self-esteem by sleeping with someone I'm not in a relationship with (I've done it before and it hurts). What's your advice for getting over a breakup like this?
Alison
Dear Alison,
9 months isn't a terribly long time to have dated, so it shouldn't take you too long to get over your most-recent ex, and move-on with your dating life.
If having 'coping sex' with your other ex will make you feel bad, then it sounds like you've already answered your own question. Also, who is he kidding? No strings attached sex is what most guys dream about. It seems like he would be doing more of a favor for himself than for you!
My boyfriend of 9 months and I recently called it quits. That's the longest I've ever been with a guy. I still care about him and remember a lot of the good times, but there were just things that we couldn't work through, causing us to split. One of my ex boyfriends (also a friend ) has offered me a 'shoulder to cry on,' speaking euphemistically. He offered me 'coping sex,' no strings attached. I don't feel ready for it at all right now, but I fear that I will in the near future. I want to keep him as a friend, but I also don't want to destroy my self-esteem by sleeping with someone I'm not in a relationship with (I've done it before and it hurts). What's your advice for getting over a breakup like this?
Alison
Dear Alison,
9 months isn't a terribly long time to have dated, so it shouldn't take you too long to get over your most-recent ex, and move-on with your dating life.
If having 'coping sex' with your other ex will make you feel bad, then it sounds like you've already answered your own question. Also, who is he kidding? No strings attached sex is what most guys dream about. It seems like he would be doing more of a favor for himself than for you!
Too Fat For My Girlfriend
Dear Rentapal
My girlfriend says I'm too fat and wants me to lose weight or else she will leave me. We've been dating for about a year already, and we have a pretty good relationship, except for this. I thought that maybe we could get married one day but now I don't know. Is she being too superficial?
Dave
Dear Dave,
I'd suggest asking her to clarify something. Is she asking you to lose weight because she is concerned about your health or because of more superficial reasons? If she's asking because she's concerned about your health, then I'd suggest that you get a medical checkup and share your doctor's advice with your girlfriend. If your doctor wants you to lose weight, then maybe your girlfriend can help you to work on this. If your doctor says there's no problem, then maybe your girlfriend will forget about it.
if she wants you to lose weight for more superficial reasons, then you should decide whether those reasons are important to you, personally. There's nothing wrong with wanting your spouse to look their best, but if you both feel strongly opposed on this issue, then maybe it's not the right relationship for either of you.
Let's ask the Rentapal audience to help with this one - Readers, let us know what you think!
Rentapal poll-breakup because of weight?
My girlfriend says I'm too fat and wants me to lose weight or else she will leave me. We've been dating for about a year already, and we have a pretty good relationship, except for this. I thought that maybe we could get married one day but now I don't know. Is she being too superficial?
Dave
Dear Dave,
I'd suggest asking her to clarify something. Is she asking you to lose weight because she is concerned about your health or because of more superficial reasons? If she's asking because she's concerned about your health, then I'd suggest that you get a medical checkup and share your doctor's advice with your girlfriend. If your doctor wants you to lose weight, then maybe your girlfriend can help you to work on this. If your doctor says there's no problem, then maybe your girlfriend will forget about it.
if she wants you to lose weight for more superficial reasons, then you should decide whether those reasons are important to you, personally. There's nothing wrong with wanting your spouse to look their best, but if you both feel strongly opposed on this issue, then maybe it's not the right relationship for either of you.
Let's ask the Rentapal audience to help with this one - Readers, let us know what you think!
Rentapal poll-breakup because of weight?
Singing or Science?
Dear Rentapal,
So whenever im by myself i just absolutely love singing. Everyone says im great bla bla bla. i also have played piano by ear since i was 4 and am in love with writing poetry. i think i could be really influential and a great artist/musician and im not trying to toot my own horn but im darn pretty too!!
im going to school for neuroscience and love it as well. but i love music and creative expression more than any other thing in the world. and singing brings me nothing but joy. What do you think i should do?
Julia
Dear Julia,
Maybe you don't have to choose just one or the other right now. How about continuing with both for a while? School/university schedules are usually on weekdays and performing opportunities are mostly on weekends and nights. If you get some momentum with your music you can follow it, but if not, you can still continue making music on the side and avoid becoming a starving musician.
Look at Brian May, guitarist from the 70s supergroup Queen. Brian was studying for a PhD in astrophysics while playing with Queen in his off-time. When Queen started to get popular, he took a temporary leave from his studies to see if the music thing might work out. Queen became one of the most successful bands in history, but Brian never lost his love of astrophysics. He returned to school after becoming a living legend, and finally finished his PhD over 30 years later!
So whenever im by myself i just absolutely love singing. Everyone says im great bla bla bla. i also have played piano by ear since i was 4 and am in love with writing poetry. i think i could be really influential and a great artist/musician and im not trying to toot my own horn but im darn pretty too!!
im going to school for neuroscience and love it as well. but i love music and creative expression more than any other thing in the world. and singing brings me nothing but joy. What do you think i should do?
Julia
Dear Julia,
Maybe you don't have to choose just one or the other right now. How about continuing with both for a while? School/university schedules are usually on weekdays and performing opportunities are mostly on weekends and nights. If you get some momentum with your music you can follow it, but if not, you can still continue making music on the side and avoid becoming a starving musician.
Look at Brian May, guitarist from the 70s supergroup Queen. Brian was studying for a PhD in astrophysics while playing with Queen in his off-time. When Queen started to get popular, he took a temporary leave from his studies to see if the music thing might work out. Queen became one of the most successful bands in history, but Brian never lost his love of astrophysics. He returned to school after becoming a living legend, and finally finished his PhD over 30 years later!
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